then there were three… Wes &
Tom move to Austin
leatherboy, boy tim, lives in Austin, 150 miles west of our home in Houston.
After an initial trial weekend over the 4th of July, 1999, he began
biweekly visits. Tom and I promised
boy tim that after a reasonable period of time we would look at the issue of
combining households and moving boy tim to Houston.
When asked, we clarified that we felt six months would probably provide
us all with enough information to make an informed decision.
in the year, Tom and I made a trip to Austin.
We had a nice time. On the
drive home, we started discussing the possibility of us moving
instead of boy tim. A sage friend
suggested, since we are able, that we spend two months in the new city before
deciding. "You have to stay
long enough to have the opportunity to get bored.
THEN you'll really know how you feel about pulling up years of
on January 15th, Tom and I moved ourselves and some essentials to
Austin, leaving our Houston home in the hands of a trusted friend.
was expecting that the relationship stuff would go smoothly, and that the two
months would be simply about whether Austin was a place we'd like the
three of us to live. Instead the
difficult part was hitting a nice stride in the MASTER Wes / boy tim
It took about a month for me to be semi-comfortable with my routines in Austin -- remembering the names of people over at the gay A.A. club, knowing where the equipment that I like to use at the gym is, things like that. My mother and I set up a Tuesday afternoon visit which we both enjoy. (She moved to Austin about two years ago.) I've also made one good friend, Allen.
As a city, Tom and I both like it here. I particularly feel reconnected
to outdoors, in part due to few mosquitoes. The breathing difficulties I
had last fall seem to be nonexistent here. There is nature all around --
squirrels and birds (particularly cardinals) at our seed feeder, raccoons who
get into Doris' food. (Miss Doris is the delightful resident fluffy
feline. She has a personality very much like our beloved China.)
We've also infrequently seen deer just beyond the property line near the Camp
Mabry woods. Mt.
Bonnell is just down the street. Town
Lake, Lake Travis and Barton
Springs are nearby. To top it off, the house here is better for three
the three of us generally have good days.
boy tim and I, especially, had some difficulties in our transition to 24/7.
big adjustment for boy tim was the change from having free reign over his
schedule to needing to check with us on things.
My former slave & still dear friend, Dave, says that this was the
hardest thing for him as well, but that it's not so much a Dominant/submissive
issue as it is a single/partnered issue -- having someone to consider. Tom and I got boy tim a cell phone to make that adjustment a
bit easier. The tension level
decreased further when we created a boy calendar to make sure specific times
were set aside for things boy tim needed to do -- workouts
(Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday), some personal times for correspondence, calls &
bills (Monday/Wednesday/Friday/Sunday), time for his inner/Al-Anon work
(Monday/Wednesday/Friday), a grocery shopping expedition (Friday) and time for
household tasks (Sunday morning).
my end, I had a period where I /felt/ I wasn't getting much attention. Dave helped me refine my thoughts by thoughtful questioning
which arrived at this good summary:
tim's at work, he's being of service to you.
When he's working out, he's of service to you.
When he stays in touch with friends, he's being of service to you.
When he's at meetings, that's being of service to you.
sounds like it accounts for almost all of his time right there.
It sounds like the disconnect is between his being of service and your wanting attention.
most of his activities of service to you are outside of the house and not in
your presence. So it feels like you're not getting enough attention even though
he's of service to you a huge amount of his time.
I would say the problem isn't on his side, it's on yours.
summary really helped my focus, which in turn helped my attitude.
the above was arrived at, however, boy tim and I had two miscommunication
incidents which created much turmoil. One
miscommunication was about having him submit a new petition to us.
A second miscommunication was over implementing the boy calendar.
My life lesson in both miscommunications was that I overreacted and they
became Big Things. If I had
intuitively trusted that boy tim wants to do his best for me and that if I'm not
getting that something must have been miscommunicated -- as
opposed to boy tim is doing something to intentionally try to irritate
me -- things would have gone more smoothly in both instances.
I've made progress in that area.
to us working through difficult times has been our mutual commitment to making
the relationship work. The family's
weekly Q&A session has proven invaluable at clarifying issues in a relaxed
manner. We've also tackled issues
head-on to avoid future bumps: March
2 the three of us had a Financial Framework talk at which we discussed IN DETAIL
how we would handle money over the next 12 months if we were to proceed with
either home moving. We came to
consensus and put it in writing.
It hasn't been all sludge and drudge, however. There have been many fun things! For example, it is truly endearing to see our muscular boy getting out of his truck when he gets home, walking up the drive in his mailman uniform with his G.I. Joe lunchbox tucked under his arm. And he loves being tucked in at night. he's such a boy! I've had lots of dungeon times with boy. We've prominently hung the Leather Pride flag. We went to San Marcos to get a medical exam table, which has already come in handy... I find Saturday morning yoga refreshing. I get a crisp haircut at Sportsman's Barber Shop biweekly. boy treated me to the butch film Titus & the whole family saw "The Sixth Sense."
Tom hit nirvana as the prime hunter-and-gatherer (shopper/cooker) for the family when he went to Austin's Central Market with its huge selection of produce & fish, among other delightful things.
We've also had plenty of social opportunities. We've been slowly meeting boy's friends. (New friend) Allen took Daddy Tom & I to a great lunch at Louie's 106 which really made us feel welcome to town. Later we had Allen and his partner Russ over for barbeque. Master Jim G. came through town on business. My college roommate, John Bertsch, came into town to say goodbye to his friend Clifford. The entire family went to a GWNN Dinner Social ("munch"), with MASTER and boy attending a play party afterward. And Dave visited for a long weekend around our joint birthdays (2/28 & 3/1), providing invaluable relationship counseling support.
So, after temporarily living in Austin with boy tim for two months, we have now made the decision to move to Austin permanently. It has been a Most Excellent adventure. We'll be back in Houston to do the transition process, and expect to do the actual move sometime in May.
Love from us to you.
Officers Wes & Tom + rookie, boy tim
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