Helping a slave focus

A reference resource for the presentation by Officer Wes

Contents

Welcome. 1

The notes for this entire presentation are online at www.officerwes.com   1

Definition of focus 1

a state or condition permitting clear perception or understanding. 1

My slave requested help focusing. 1

Preparations before in-person service. 1

I wrote an ad explaining what I was seeking in a slave. 1

We communicated over e-mail 1

We met and conversed over coffee. 1

I provided him my protocol 1

"A code of correct conduct: safety protocols; academic protocol" 1

definition 1b from The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. 1

We’ll talk about protocol more in a bit 1

I had him rate himself on the Nine Degrees of Submission. 1

I had him complete a BDSM checklist 1

We had our first BDSM session. 1

I had the prospective slave work on a detailed petition process 1

" a request made for something desired, especially a respectful or humble request, as to a superior or to one of those in authority... " 1

Ceremony, ritual and protocol 1

Ceremony. 1

a formal religious or sacred observance; a solemn rite. 1

Why?  To bring focus to the present moment. 1

Ritual 1

a sequence of activities involving gestures, words, and objects, performed in a sequestered place, and performed according to set sequence.  Rituals may be prescribed by the traditions of a community  1

Why?  Again to bring focus to the present moment. 1

Master Aaron of Chicago writes 1

Protocol 1

As mentioned briefly earlier, a protocol is "a code of correct conduct." 1

Why do I like SlaveMaster’s protocol?  It helps bring a slave’s focus to the present moment. 1

When arriving. 1

When acknowledging orders 1

When departing. 1

The reciprocal nature of training. 1

When my slave presents, it also helps draw me present 1

When my slave and I write each other each morning we get mutually clear on that specific day. 1

Focusing exercises 1

Presenting and continuing. 1

Tribute. 1

an act, statement, or gift that is intended to show gratitude, respect, or admiration. 1

Meditation. 1

2: to engage in mental exercise (such as concentration on one's breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness 1

Loving-kindness meditation. 1

How to meditate?. 1

Try using a countdown timer 1

Some view yoga as a form of grounding meditation. 1

Writing. 1

For the Master 1

For the slave. 1

For either Master or slave. 1

Attachment 1

Gratitude. 1

Resources for help. 1

Gatherings with others living a similar path. 1

Locally. 1

Nationally / Internationally. 1

Online. 1

Reading (see reading resources for suggestions) 1

Reading resources 1

SlaveCraft by Guy Baldwin. 1

identity. 1

obedience. 1

transparency. 1

humility. 1

using or processing pain. 1

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. 1

How I was introduced to this book. 1

Personal example of relative rankings 1

Putting it into practice. 1

How this benefits Mastery/slavery. 1

More books touching on Mastery/slavery focus 1

Leatherfolk: Radical Sex, People, Politics, and Practice, Mark Thompson, Editor 1

Protocol Handbook for the Leather slave by Robert J. Rubel PhD.. 1

More personal care / self-reflection books 1

Recap. 1

Preparations before in-person service. 1

Ceremony, ritual and protocol 1

The reciprocal nature of training. 1

Focusing exercises 1

Reading resources 1

Questions 1

Other resources at www.officerwes.com.. 1

Acknowledgments 1

About this workshop. 1

About this presenter 1

Addendum to Helping a slave focus 1

Ideas to ponder 1

What do I want this slave to do?  (So that the slave can in turn know “What would Master have me do…”) 1

Some spiritual principles to focus my mind. 1

Three things I find harmful to the spirit and things that help counteract them.. 1

How do I learn more about my slave?. 1

Myers-Briggs personality inventory can help us understand our slave better, and vice-versa. 1

People have different learning styles 1

Broadly speaking, we are socialized differently as men and women.  This can influence how we communicate. 1

Provide something to focus on. 1

Shakespeare's Sonnet LVII 1

Reduce distractions 1

Why strive for focus?. 1

It provides a sense of ease and grace. 1

What encourages focus?. 1

Calm breath. 1

Adequate rest 1

Medications help me personally ground and focus 1

What works against focus?. 1

HALT (being too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and/or Tired) 1

Resentments 1

Examples of people who are focused?. 1

Someone with a sense of purpose. 1

Catholics in ritual 1

Monks in chant 1

BDSM work. 1

Some elements to work with. 1

Body. 1

Mind. 1

Spirit 1

The discussion that led to this presentation:  Helping a slaveboy focus 1

 

 

Welcome

The notes for this entire presentation are online at www.officerwes.com

Definition of focus

a state or condition permitting clear perception or understanding

definition 3b at www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/focus

My slave requested help focusing

When kneeling in front of Him, looking up at his Owner, boy is transported to a beautiful place where he is completely under his MASTER's control, his submission is full and complete, Sir.

...

But it is very hard at times, Sir. boy's ego is still very strong, he sometimes wonders if he will ever tame it, Sir. That pesky ego keeps popping up, wondering what is going on, Sir. boy is often anxious about what is happening, Sir. MASTER does a good job of letting boy know what the general plan is for the day, but boy still has a vague uneasiness that he does not know what is going on, Sir. boy wonders if this is MASTER's plan to keep his boy just a little on edge to make him more attentive, or if boy is just not familiar with the routine of the Houston Home, Sir.

...

One thing that boy thinks may help focus his attention and submission is pain, Sir. boy craves more pain from his MASTER, Sir. Being a pain pig, boy knows that this sounds like a request, Sir. This is certainly something that boy tim enjoys, Sir. boy tim's sole reason for being is the pleasure of and service to MASTER Wes and Daddy Tom, Sir. Not the pleasure of boy tim, Sir. but boy needs help focusing, Sir. boy hopes that he is not out of line expressing this to his MASTER, Sir.

 

Whether we’re new in our Mastery/slavery journey or have been at it a while, focus helps our relationships thrive.

Preparations before in-person service

I wrote an ad explaining what I was seeking in a slave

Handsome Master with bright smile and sense of humor seeks slave.  It's easier than it sounds:  Mainly you desire to please me.  The rest gets worked out.

 

I've been doing this a while but I'm very open to working with someone who is new to someone more seasoned.  Primarily it's good attitude and follow-through.

 

My slave won't live with me.  I live in a beautiful but small space, so the best situation logistically would be where my slave could host me when slave and I get together.  My goal is daily communication and getting to see each other at least weekly.

 

There's an important man in my life named Daddy Barry.  We met back in 2003.  Two years later, when I was partnered and had two great slaves, I asked him to be my Leather Daddy.  We were and are poly so slave would be entering a Leather family.

 

Required slave qualities: honest, communicative, substance-free, self-supporting, clean/tidy, male, height/weight proportional, already San Diego-based.

We communicated over e-mail

We met and conversed over coffee

I provided him my protocol

"A code of correct conduct: safety protocols; academic protocol"

definition 1b from The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition

We’ll talk about protocol more in a bit

I had him rate himself on the Nine Degrees of Submission

This helps answer the question:  What kind of submissive or slave do I have in front of me?

It’s at www.officerwes.com/nine_degrees_of_submission.htm

I had him complete a BDSM checklist

It’s available at www.officerwes.com/play_partner_checklist.htm

We had our first BDSM session

I had the prospective slave work on a detailed petition process

" a request made for something desired, especially a respectful or humble request, as to a superior or to one of those in authority... "

definition 2 from www.dictionary.com/browse/petition

 

A petition example is at www.officerwes.com/service_slave_petition.htm

Ceremony, ritual and protocol

Ceremony

a formal religious or sacred observance; a solemn rite

from www.dictionary.com/browse/ceremony

Why?  To bring focus to the present moment.

Ritual

a sequence of activities involving gestures, words, and objects, performed in a sequestered place, and performed according to set sequence.  Rituals may be prescribed by the traditions of a community

from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ritual

Why?  Again to bring focus to the present moment.

Master Aaron of Chicago writes

I find that, when gifting a boy/slave/sub with training sessions in an other-than 24/7 situation, it is often very difficult for the sub to focus. It seems sad when focus is achieved at the end of the stay or session, and can result in a weaker connection between us, varying the effectiveness and the fun.

 

I feel that, as the Dom, it is my responsibility to help the sub achieve the result that I have given direction to, and have found several ways to make this "plug in" more swift and sure.

 

The ceremony of admittance and subjugation is consistent and showy, as someone else has mentioned. However, I find that I have better results if I start early. I usually insist that the sub not pleasure themselves sexually for a day, or for the more advanced, for two or three days, prior to arrival, in the case that the sub is not connected to another Dom or vanilla partner. If connected, I insist that the pleasuring be only of the partner, and not to the point of orgasm for My sub. (Of course, when another Master/Dom is involved, with their full consent!) I give a ritual of cleansing to be followed for the day of arrival, which I won't belabor the conversation with at this point. I also control the food and drink of the sub on the day of arrival, often insisting on an increased water intake along with liquid nourishment and no solid foods. I may require a clean out or specific enema on the morning of, or just prior to, My Ownership. Most importantly, I insist that I be thanked, in absentia, for the cleansing, the drinking, and the nourishment, and aloud, thusly:

 

"Thank you, Master Aaron, for this liquid!"

 

I find that the wind-up is just as important as the pitch, and boys generally arrive at My Door focused by their stomach and cock, with their priorities in line.

 

Hope that's helpful!
Master Aaron
Chicago

Protocol

As mentioned briefly earlier, a protocol is "a code of correct conduct."

I like the protocol developed by SlaveMaster, described at www.bornslaves.com and in his Beyond Obedience:  For all who are called to Mastery, Ownership, slavery, surrender & service.  The very short version is take time to acknowledge your Master and feel your slavery, both when entering and leaving Master’s presence for any significant amount of time. 

What do I like about SlaveMaster’s protocol?  This ceremonious use of ritual helps bring a slave’s (and Master’s) focus to the present moment.

SlaveMaster calls the two processes “presenting” and “continuing.”  It looks like this:

When arriving

Present

Ask "Master, Sir, how may this slave be of service, Sir?"

When acknowledging orders

Every order issued is cheerfully acknowledged with "Sir, yes, Sir! Thank You, Sir!" once understood.

When departing

Present

Ask "Master, Sir, do you wish this slave to continue in service, Sir?"

The reciprocal nature of training

When my slave presents, it also helps draw me present

When my slave and I write each other each morning we get mutually clear on that specific day

Focusing exercises

Presenting and continuing

Tribute

an act, statement, or gift that is intended to show gratitude, respect, or admiration

en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/tribute

Meditation

2: to engage in mental exercise (such as concentration on one's breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/meditate

Loving-kindness meditation

May all beings be filled with loving-kindness.

May all beings be well.

May all beings be peaceful and at ease.

May all beings be happy.

How to meditate?

Google “How to meditate” and you’ll find resources like www.how-to-meditate.org and this TED Talk www.ted.com/speakers/andy_puddicombe

Try using a countdown timer

This is personally helpful for me to meditate.  I set mine for something like 10 minutes and start it.  That frees my mind up from wandering to “How long have I been doing this?”

Some view yoga as a form of grounding meditation

Writing

For the Master

Daily

Write what the day is presently slated to look like for both Master and slave.  It helps keep both on the same wavelength.

For the slave

Daily

Provide a brief report on what the day is presently slated to look like.  Generally my non-live-in slave frank provides this in his weekly report (see below), then updates me on specific days if something material changes.

Weekly

I like a weekly report, keeping me informed of anything my slave feels I should know, by 5:00a.m. Wednesdays.

Annually

In the case of my married slave, I like an annual overview of anticipated vacation dates and the like.

For either Master or slave

Annually

Write a snapshot of how things are today
If you could wave a magic wand and arrange your life however you wanted what would it look like?

Write it down.  In this exercise even the normal constraints of time and space don’t apply.

Ten True Things

This led me to realize that I wanted a sexual Top back in my own life.  That’s why I nurtured the relationship with Daddy Barry.

Attachment

As the source of suffering, and distorted focus.  Attachment is the concept that when I am mentally attached to specific outcomes, I will suffer.  I will lose focus.  Conversely, if I can attitudinally roll with how life unfolds all will be well.

Gratitude

To re-focus.  Creating a mental or written “gratitude list” helps anyone re-focus on blessings in life.

Resources for help

Gatherings with others living a similar path

SouthPlains LeatherFest www.southplainsleatherfest.com with its Mastery/slavery track (Dallas)

The Master/slave Conference www.masterslaveconference.org (Washington, D.C.)

Locally

For therapists and lawyers, etc., who might be nearby check out the Kink Aware Professionals directory at www.ncsfreedom.org/resources/kink-aware-professionals-directory/kap-directory-homepage

Nationally / Internationally

Masters And slaves Together - MAsT International at www.mast.net

Online

On sites such as FetLife.com, seek out groups like

·        BornSlaves

·        Masters and slaves

·        Masters And slaves Together - MAsT International

Reading (see reading resources for suggestions)

Reading resources

SlaveCraft by Guy Baldwin

I highly recommend this for anyone wishing to manifest their slavery.  As Patrick Califia writes on page 159:

By singling out the principle virtues of slaves (identity, obedience, transparency, humility, using or processing pain) and creating meditations to bring them more clearly into focus, Baldwin has created a wonderful set of tools for the slave who wants to keep on target.

identity

I am a slave

obedience

I obey my Master.  Pleasing Him gives me pleasure

transparency

I reveal all to Him

humility

the state of being humble of mind or spirit; it is the absence of pride or self-assertion (p. 105)

using or processing pain

Tips on handling pain if one’s Master is into it

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

How I was introduced to this book

I was first exposed to this book by my sister Susan, who explained it was helpful to know my partner’s preferred love language, so that I could “speak” it.  She explained the five types were:

1.     Words of affirmation

2.     Quality time

3.     Receiving gifts

4.     Acts of service

5.     Physical touch

Then I was re-exposed to this book, as was my Daddy, by our therapist, who suggested we each were being loving in our own individual ways; but that what we needed to do was focus on the language -- or loving style -- that the other person valued.

Personal example of relative rankings

Here are how Daddy Barry and I each rank the importance of the 5 love languages:

 

 

Daddy Barry

Officer Wes

Acts

5

3

Words

3

2

Time

4

1

Gifts

2

5

Touch

1

4

 

Take a look at Time and Touch.  I place highest value on quality time.  This is a much lower value for Daddy Barry.  Conversely, Daddy Barry places highest value on touch.  That is a much lower value for me.

 

When I spend time with Daddy Barry, it just doesn’t register the same value with him.  When Daddy Barry touches me, though pleasurable, it doesn’t register the same importance for me.

 

Not surprisingly:  I was not given much quality time as a kid for a long time, though I was touched plenty; Daddy Barry did not get enough touch.

Putting it into practice

If I want Daddy Barry to feel loved, I need to touch him.  If he wants me to feel loved, he needs to spend time with me.

How this benefits Mastery/slavery

In my Master/slave relationship, this information can help me know how to communicate effectively with my slave.  If desired, it can also provide my slave with background information on how to intuitively be of maximum service.

More books touching on Mastery/slavery focus

Leatherfolk: Radical Sex, People, Politics, and Practice, Mark Thompson, Editor

The book’s fourth section, "Spirit and the Flesh", has eight essays with diverse views of how people perceive their leather work spiritually

Protocol Handbook for the Leather slave by Robert J. Rubel PhD

Though it is the author’s personal protocol, it provides a roadmap of the kind of detail that can help focus a slave.

More personal care / self-reflection books

Chop Wood, Carry Water by Rick Fields

Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-zinn

The Re-Enchantment of Everyday Life by Thomas Moore

The Care of the Soul by Thomas Moore

Sacred World: A Guide to Shambhala Warriorship in Daily Life by Jeremy Hayward

The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron

The Artist's Way at Work: Riding the Dragon by Julia Cameron

Marry Your Muse: Making a Lasting Commitment to Your Creativity by Jan Phillips

Awakening to the Sacred: Creating a Spiritual Life from Scratch by Lama Surya Das

Accept This Gift: Selections from A Course in Miracles by Frances E. Vaughn

The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav

Manifest Your Destiny by Wayne Dyer

Work as Spiritual Practice by Lewis Richmond

Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

The Art of Worldly Wisdom by Balthasar Gracian

Recap

Preparations before in-person service

Ceremony, ritual and protocol

The reciprocal nature of training

Focusing exercises

Reading resources

Questions

Other resources at www.officerwes.com

About our leather family

"boys" and "slaves"

Cathartic flogging (by Master Skip)

Dominance and submission

Dungeon parties

Electrical

Focus (this presentation)

The Good of BDSM (compiled by Dr. Richard A. Sprott)

Kink 101

Leather 101

Leather and spirituality

Leather/SM resources

Mastery and slavery

Nine Degrees Of Submission (by Mistress Diane Vera)

Protocol

Rope harness (by Ropeman)

San Diego

Shit: Exploring An Ancient Taboo

Things That Pinch

Uniforms

Acknowledgments

My thanks to Daddy Barry for his support as I created this presentation.

My thanks to Lady Blake of the House of Blake in Oakland, CA for the personal care / self-reflection suggestions.

About this workshop

We strive for the best connection possible in our Master/slave lives. That connection can be dulled by unintentional lack of focus. This workshop will offer suggestions and resources to assist a slave -- or leatherboy/boi – with focus.  Masters may find the ideas useful for themselves as well.

 

This topic arose out of a real-life need where my late slave, boy tim, was finding himself mentally drifting, turned to me for help, and I in turn asked my Mastery/slavery and Dominance/submission peers for help.

 

We’ll look at preparations before in-person service, ceremony and rituals, the reciprocal nature of training, focusing exercises, and a wide variety of reading resources.

About this presenter

Officer Wes has been presenting on a variety of fun kink topics for 25 years.  His experiences and viewpoints have appeared in many publications including USA Today and The Advocate.  He is credited as an influence in the books Protocol Handbook for the Leather Slave and Master/slave Relations.  His Web sites on sexuality, health and kink have been visited by over a million people.  He was an inaugural mentor for SAADE, a formal mentoring program for new dominants that instructs its apprentices not only in physical SM practices but on the mental, emotional and spiritual dynamics of BDSM as well.  Officer Wes has an open leather family built around shared values of respect, honor, trust, and love.  He has a slave and dogslave and is himself in service to a Daddy.  Resources and information at www.officerwes.com

 

 

www.officerwes.com

© 1997-2018 by Officer Wes


Addendum to Helping a slave focus

Ideas to ponder

What do I want this slave to do?  (So that the slave can in turn know “What would Master have me do…”)

By example, my slave has standing orders to strive to be mindfully present with a loving heart.

Some spiritual principles to focus my mind

honesty / integrity

open-mindedness

willingness

humility

faith / trust / hope

surrender / acceptance / non-attachment

commitment / perseverance / steadfastness / self-discipline / patience

love / unconditional love

selflessness / service

forgiveness

courage

Three things I find harmful to the spirit and things that help counteract them

Fear (love and faith help counteract)

Impatience - a fear that things won't happen in my timeframe (love and faith help counteract)

Self-pity - a fear that things won't happen the way I want them to (love and faith help counteract)

How do I learn more about my slave?

Myers-Briggs personality inventory can help us understand our slave better, and vice-versa

Favorite world

Do you prefer to focus on the outer world or on your own inner world?  This is called Extraversion (E) or Introversion (I).

Information

Do you prefer to focus on the basic information you take in or do you prefer to interpret and add meaning?  This is called Sensing (S) or Intuition (N).

Decisions

When making decisions, do you prefer to first look at logic and consistency or first look at the people and special circumstances?  This is called Thinking (T) or Feeling (F).

Structure

In dealing with the outside world, do you prefer to get things decided or do you prefer to stay open to new information and options?  This is called Judging (J) or Perceiving (P).

Acknowledgment

from MBTI® Basics at http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/home.htm January 14, 2018

People have different learning styles

learning by explanation

learning by example

learning by doing

learning by reading

Broadly speaking, we are socialized differently as men and women.  This can influence how we communicate.

Provide something to focus on

Shakespeare's Sonnet LVII

Give the slave something to do in their "off-time". I have given My slaves a Sonnet by Shakespeare that deals specifically with slavery. The slaves are required to read, study and memorize the piece, and to quote it verbatim on demand.

 

Master Michael Yongue
Head Master
The House of Ptolemy
--------------------------------
"Sometimes the risk to remain in a tight bud is more painful than the risk it takes to blossom." --Anais Nin
<---------------------------->

Shakespeare's Sonnet LVII

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend,
Nor services to do, till you require.
Nor dare I chide the world-without-end hour
Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you,
Nor think the bitterness of absence sour
When you have bid your servant once adieu;
Nor dare I question with my jealous thought
Where you may be, or your affairs suppose,
But, like a sad slave, stay and think of nought
Save, where you are how happy you make those.
So true a fool is love that in your will,
Though you do any thing, he thinks no ill.

- --William Shakespeare

Reduce distractions

By example, I mute my cell phone whenever possible.  If I’m using it for music I put it in airplane mode so that a call does not come through and pause the music.

Why strive for focus?

It provides a sense of ease and grace

What encourages focus?

Calm breath

Adequate rest

Medications help me personally ground and focus

What works against focus?

HALT (being too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and/or Tired)

Resentments

Examples of people who are focused?

Someone with a sense of purpose

Catholics in ritual

Monks in chant

BDSM work

Some elements to work with

Body

BDSM work can connect people

Quality BDSM can trigger the body to release endorphins (endogenous morphines) which can lead to feelings of pleasure.  It may also trigger the body to release oxytocin, sometimes nicknamed the “cuddle hormone.”

The 5 senses are all potential areas for focus

Smell
Sight
Taste
Touch
Hearing

Mind

Reading

Spirit

Prayer

3rd Step style

please take my will and my life (thoughts and actions) guide me and show me how to live

Knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out 
Please remove every single defect of character that gets in the way of my usefulness
See slave’s Centering Prayer video?

Meditation


The discussion that led to this presentation:  Helping a slaveboy focus

Our slaveboy was having problems focusing.

I asked for input from fellow subscribers to gl-doms, a list formerly at queernet.org. Once again I was grateful for the many fine people in the leather community who freely give of themselves to help others better themselves.

Here is the original question and the helpful suggestions I received.

·         My original question to gl-doms (including note from slaveboy about problems focusing).

·         Master Michael Yongue shared about "F.I.R.E." and also included having the slaveboy memorize a particular sonnet by Shakespeare.

·         Robert Morley shared about the reciprocal nature of training.

·         Master Aaron wrote about preparations before service -- "the wind-up is just as important as the pitch."

·         Lady Blake shared a focusing exercise and a wide variety of reading resources.

·         DJ Daddy wrote about personalizing the presenting ceremony conducted at the beginning of service.

·         Frey suggested asking the slaveboy what personal walls the slaveboy was coming up against that might be creating the problem focusing.

 


 

Date: Sat, 11 Sep 1999 15:42:28 -0500
From: "Officer Wes"
Subject: [gl-doms] helping a slaveboy focus

Dear list-folk,

My slaveboy brought to my attention that he could use help focusing. (See note below.) One suggestion from my pain pig slaveboy was... surprise: Pain!

Indeed, pain *is* /a/ tool that a Master can use to help a slaveboy focus.

Rituals are another tool to help a slaveboy focus. (For example, when slaveboy arrives in Houston from Austin he kneels and presents "tribute" -- a reverent way for slaveboy to show he's been thinking about his MASTER and Daddy Tom.)

What are some other ways you help your slaves & boys focus?

In uniform,
Master Wes
Houston, TX

***

[Note from slaveboy to Master Wes]:

When kneeling in front of Him, looking up at his Owner, boy is transported to a beautiful place where he is completely under his MASTER's control, his submission is full and complete, Sir.
...
But it is very hard at times, Sir. boy's ego is still very strong, he sometimes wonders if he will ever tame it, Sir. That pesky ego keeps popping up, wondering what is going on, Sir. boy is often anxious about what is happening, Sir. MASTER does a good job of letting boy know what the general plan is for the day, but boy still has a vague uneasiness that he does not know what is going on, Sir. boy wonders if this is MASTER's plan to keep his boy just a little on edge to make him more attentive, or if boy is just not familiar with the routine of the Houston Home, Sir.
...
One thing that boy thinks may help focus his attention and submission is pain, Sir. boy craves more pain from his MASTER, Sir. Being a pain pig, boy knows that this sounds like a request, Sir. This is certainly something that boy tim enjoys, Sir. boy tim's sole reason for being is the pleasure of and service to MASTER Wes and Daddy Tom, Sir. Not the pleasure of boy tim, Sir. but boy needs help focusing, Sir. boy hopes that he is not out of line expressing this to his MASTER, Sir.

 


 

Date: Sun, 12 Sep 1999 13:01:28 EDT
From: Phantmastr@aol.com
Subject: [gl-doms] Re: FOCUS

Master Wes wrote:

"What are some other ways you help your slaves & boys focus?"

Let me count the ways...

One of the first things that I do with new family (boys, slaves, whatever) is to have them read the book "Way of the Peaceful Warrior" by Dan Millman. (www.peacefulwarrior.com) I strongly suggest this book to everyone I counsel, M/s or not. Rather than go into too much detail, I'll let you read it and find out why .

One of My slaves lives with OCD (Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder), another was previously diagnosed as clinically depressed. Both of them require a great deal of focus-related exercises to keep them "in check".

In a M/s or D/s type relationship, focus must be a two-way street; in other words, I require that they focus on Me, and in order to retain that, I must dedicate a great deal of focus on them (individually and collectively).

I use an acronym to describe what it is that I want from My slave(s):
Fervor
Intensity
Reality
Energy
(F.I.R.E.)
When I ask the slave "Where is the focus?", the proper response is "my focus is on the F.I.R.E., Sir!", meaning that they are constantly working toward being exactly what I want and need.

TOOLS FOR FOCUS:

1.     Give the slave something to do in their "off-time". I have given My slaves a Sonnet by Shakespeare that deals specifically with slavery (quoted in full at the end of this message). The slaves are required to read, study and memorize the piece, and to quote it verbatim on demand.

2.     Take away something that is important.

By way of example: I recently had a problem with a slave who broke the rules by making plans without permission. When he told Me about the plans (and did not present it as a request,) I neither approved nor denied them. Instead, I told him that he would have to make his own decision on the matter, and that I would issue no further orders until he learned how to properly request permission.

In this situation, the slave was miserable for a week. My actions had forced him to think and do for himself in an arena that was previously handled by Me; That required focus, and was a constant reminder that he had screwed up. (It worked.) Sure, it would have been easy to physically punish him, but he is a masochist, after all...

Above all else, focus means letting go; removing preconceived notions about the way things 'should be', and replacing them with 'how would my Master want me to act?'. It is never easy to maintain in the beginning, but well worth it in the long run. (Focus is a major step toward self-mastery, which is very important in this dynamic.)

Hope this helps!

Master Michael Yongue
Head Master
The House of Ptolemy
--------------------------------
"Sometimes the risk to remain in a tight bud is more painful than the risk it takes to blossom." --Anais Nin
<---------------------------->

Shakespeare's Sonnet LVII

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend,
Nor services to do, till you require.
Nor dare I chide the world-without-end hour
Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you,
Nor think the bitterness of absence sour
When you have bid your servant once adieu;
Nor dare I question with my jealous thought
Where you may be, or your affairs suppose,
But, like a sad slave, stay and think of nought
Save, where you are how happy you make those.
So true a fool is love that in your will,
Though you do any thing, he thinks no ill.

- --William Shakespeare

 


 

Date: Sun, 12 Sep 1999 13:28:42 -0400
From: "Robert Morley"
Subject: RE: [gl-doms] helping a slaveboy focus

> Nice to know that the slaveboy has his "Master" well-trained to provide
> what he needs, i.e., sexual stimulation in the form of cock and
> pain simply by dropping to his knees...

Where do you see THAT in this message?!? The slave is expressing a concern over his inability to focus, and asking help in learning to do so. The Master is simply living up to his duty to oversee the emotional well-being of his slave.

Besides, anybody who's ever had a serious relationship with a slave knows that it's a two way street. The slave is training the Master almost as much as the Master is training the slave...much though we don't want to ADMIT that they're doing it to us. :) The Master trains the slave in what he wants and needs, but the slave trains the Master in only what he needs...that's still training in my books.

(That oughta start a discussion or two!)

Master Rob

 


 

Date: Sun, 12 Sep 1999 13:23:53 -0400
From: Master Aaron
Subject: [gl-doms] Re: helping a boy to focus

Gentles,
I find that, when gifting a boy/slave/sub with training sessions in an other-than 24/7 situation, it is often very difficult for the sub to focus. It seems sad when focus is achieved at the end of the stay or session, and can result in a weaker connection between us, varying the effectiveness and the fun.

I feel that, as the Dom, it is my responsibility to help the sub achieve the result that I have given direction to, and have found several ways to make this "plug in" more swift and sure.

The ceremony of admittance and subjugation is consistent and showy, as someone else has mentioned. However, I find that I have better results if I start early. I usually insist that the sub not pleasure themselves sexually for a day, or for the more advanced, for two or three days, prior to arrival, in the case that the sub is not connected to another Dom or vanilla partner. If connected, I insist that the pleasuring be only of the partner, and not to the point of orgasm for My sub. (Of course, when another Master/Dom is involved, with their full consent!) I give a ritual of cleansing to be followed for the day of arrival, which I won't belabor the conversation with at this point. I also control the food and drink of the sub on the day of arrival, often insisting on an increased water intake along with liquid nourishment and no solid foods. I may require a clean out or specific enema on the morning of, or just prior to, My Ownership. Most importantly, I insist that I be thanked, in absentia, for the cleansing, the drinking, and the nourishment, and aloud, thusly:

"Thank you, Master Aaron, for this liquid!"

I find that the wind-up is just as important as the pitch, and boys generally arrive at My Door focused by their stomach and cock, with their priorities in line.

Hope that's helpful!
Master Aaron
Chicago

 


 

Date: Sun, 12 Sep 1999 15:58:32 EDT
From: EllysBlake@aol.com
Subject: Re: [gl-doms] helping a slaveboy focus

Master Wes,

A couple of the tools that I have used over the years to assist submissives and slaves in developing focus are what I call "white wall" experiences. I make sure that there is a place in each home they serve in where there is an uninterrupted expanse of wall or door surface, this space only needs to be about 4' wide.. but it is important that there is nothing hanging on the wall or door back that is visible when kneeling with one's face about 4" from the surface. The submissive or slave kneels (in an attentive kneel up position, hands hanging loosely at their side) just in front of this space... With their face not 4 inches from it.

In the first case -
While they are kneeling there ... they take 10 very slow deep breathes. Then they close their eyes and relax each joint in their body and at each joint they ask themselves one question, "Why am I here?" The answer, of course, is "I am here to serve the Master, to meet His needs, desires and pleasures." Once this is done and the slave is relaxed and prepared to serve they then imagine feeling the presence of the Master in their Mouth, their Ass and if a woman, their cunt. This heightens the sensual awareness of the fact that they have given themselves in service to be used how ever the Master sees fit. And this last little bit has the added effect of changing the way the slave is "in their body." People who are sensually charged moved with more grace and with an animal energy that is quite beautiful to watch.

In the second case-
While they are kneeling there they consider the graveness of the situation that has become their life because they have offered themselves into service. Often times, slaves and submissives do not realize that service isn't a thing to be taken lightly, and that to do it well one must be "light about it." That the very way they present themselves reflects back on the Master. Publicly and privately. I use that mindfulness meditation when I feel that the slave is not doing adequate self care. Because my experience tells me that when a slave fails to represent well it is usually because they are not being mindful of taking care of the Master's property first and foremost. If the slave is not taking care of their own well-being through proper rest, nutrition, exercise and the practice of inner peace and personal goal accomplishment, they do not have a reserve to use in service. It is important for slave to "sharpen the saw," "prime the pump," whatever one choses to call it.

And last - Learning to be fully present

I believe that focus comes from a well developed inner life. By participating in ongoing inner development the slave becomes more certain of the calling s/he has chosen to answer. Focus comes from a sense of being "in the moment." It happens when we are able to shut down the yammer yammer of the past (that nasty little place where all our fears reside and somehow manage to continually haunt us from) and be fully present. In your slave's letter he said, " But it is very hard at times, Sir. boy's ego is still very strong, he sometimes wonders if he will ever tame it, Sir. That pesky ego keeps popping up, wondering what is going on, Sir. boy is often anxious about what is happening, Sir. MASTER does a good job of letting boy know what the general plan is for the day, but boy still has a vague uneasiness that he does not know what is going on, Sir. " Learning to master one's own internal dialog only happens when one takes the time to listen to their own internal tapes. When we have let go of the expectations that shaped our early foundational development and are free to choose again, hopefully wisely, as adults we can allow ourselves to be comfortable with the silence in the moment and not assign fearful or anxious baggage to it.

Pain is a short course to momentary focus. It is less frightening than facing the silence of the moment. It is raw and tangible. And on occasion when two souls meet and take up pain in its slow long course (like the severe flogging that takes several hours- breathing matched ... eyes meeting for short rounds of connectivity.. until the back is oozing and will continue to do so for days) then pain can provide real focus and transformation because it has stepped up to the moment, become larger than life and goes through the door into the depths and finds the fears waiting and opens them to the light of day. When there is trust between two souls to walk through that door together, then silence becomes a sacred trust shared and ceases being the seed of anxious moments.

I strongly recommend that as part of self care slaves and submissives spend some time each day reading such books as:

Chop Wood, Carry Water, by Rick Fields
Wherever You Go, There You Are, by Jon Kabat-zinn
The Re-Enchantment of Everyday Life, by Thomas Moore
The Care of the Soul, by Thomas Moore
Sacred World: A Guide to Shambhala Warriorship in Daily Life, by Jeremy Hayward
The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, by Julia Cameron
The Artist's Way at Work: Riding the Dragon, by Julia Cameron
Marry Your Muse: Making a Lasting Commitment to Your Creativity, by Jan Phillips
Awakening to the Sacred: Creating a Spiritual Life from Scratch, by Lama Surya Das
Accept This Gift: Selections from A Course in Miracles, by Frances E. Vaughn
The Seat of the Soul, by Gary Zukav
Manifest Your Destiny, by Wayne Dyer
Work as Spiritual Practice, by Lewis Richmond
Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
The Art of Worldly Wisdom, by Balthasar Gracian

These are just a few books that cover a wide variety of belief systems and ideas. Each is useful in its own way and there are obviously thousands of others that folks find meaningful.

Studying The ancient art of Tea Ceremonies can also be a good way to learn focus.

I hope you find some value herein,
enjoy your journey,

Regards,
Lady Blake
House of Blake ~ Oakland, CA

 


 

Date: Sun, 12 Sep 1999 18:24:19 +0000
From: "DJDaddy"
Subject: [gl-doms] Re slave focus

>What are some other ways you help your slaves & boys focus?

Wes,

I have number of things I use to focus a boy or slave. Sometimes it is as simple as having them read their contract before they see me. Reminding them of exactly why they are here. In fact, I often ask them that as a first question. "WHY are you here boy?" they know what answer I expect to hear.

During training, though I know many expect a boy or slave to always take a submissive pose with head bowed, I often have them look directly into my eyes. I want them to concentrate on ME ONLY nothing outside of that, focusing only on me. As I look deeply into their eyes, it is at times, as if I they think I can see their souls, or read their minds. Intimidating and hypnotic, comforting and frightening at the same time.

I develop a routine for each boy that he must learn. Though they have similarities I take something of each boy and incorporate it into this ceremony. If boy is heavily into boots for example after he strips and kneels before me then his ceremony is to kiss my boots. Whereas a boy that is heavily into bondage may automatically present his wrists for restraints.

With each specific boy it is something that reminds them of why they are with Me and what they gain from Me.

In Leather Brotherhood,

DJ Daddy

 


 

Date: Mon 9/13/99 12:44 PM
From: frey
Subject: Re: [gl-doms] helping a slaveboy focus

Wes,

This is a not uncommon problem for all boys/slaves to face, and every time I see this question or run into this situation myself, I immediately question why the boy/slave is having problems focusing. Because your slaveboy requested more and/or additional pain, I would particularly question why he is having this difficulty.

Whether we wish to admit it or not, we all have 'walls,' and a slave/boy's inability to focus is often because he is confronting one of his personal walls. Yes, pain is a way to get through many walls, but it may not get to the root of what's really going on with the slave/boy. So, before I would apply any ritual, whether pain or others suggested by list members, I would talk to the slave/boy and have him explain what the problem is and why it is affecting his ability to focus. Only then will you be able to figure out what, if anything, is appropriate or necessary to apply to sharpen his focus.

Sometimes, just getting the slave/boy to open up about this problem is sufficient to resolve the problem, other times additional measures may be necessary.

Just my 2 cents.

Frey

 


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