Helping a slaveboy focus
Our slaveboy was having problems focusing.
I asked for input from fellow subscribers to gl-doms, a list formerly at queernet.org. Once again I was grateful for the many fine people in the leather community who freely give of themselves to help others better themselves.
Here is the original question and the helpful suggestions I received.
- My original question to gl-doms (including note from slaveboy about problems focusing).
- Master Michael Yongue shared about "F.I.R.E." and also included having the slaveboy memorize a particular sonnet by Shakespeare.
- Robert Morley shared about the reciprocal nature of training.
- Master Aaron wrote about preparations before service -- "the wind-up is just as important as the pitch."
- Lady Blake shared a focusing exercise and a wide variety of reading resources.
- DJ Daddy wrote about personalizing the presenting ceremony conducted at the beginning of service.
- Frey suggested asking the slaveboy what personal walls the slaveboy was coming up against that might be creating the problem focusing.
Date: Sat, 11 Sep 1999 15:42:28 -0500
From: "Officer Wes"
Subject: [gl-doms] helping a slaveboy focus
My slaveboy brought to my attention that he could use help focusing. (See note below.) One suggestion from my pain pig slaveboy was... surprise: Pain!
Indeed, pain *is* /a/ tool that a Master can use to help a slaveboy focus.
Rituals are another tool to help a slaveboy focus. (For example, when slaveboy arrives in Houston from Austin he kneels and presents "tribute" -- a reverent way for slaveboy to show he's been thinking about his MASTER and Daddy Tom.)
What are some other ways you help your slaves & boys focus?
[Note from slaveboy to Master Wes]:
When kneeling in front of Him, looking up at his Owner, boy is transported to a beautiful place where he is completely under his MASTER's control, his submission is full and complete, Sir.
But it is very hard at times, Sir. boy's ego is still very strong, he sometimes wonders if he will ever tame it, Sir. That pesky ego keeps popping up, wondering what is going on, Sir. boy is often anxious about what is happening, Sir. MASTER does a good job of letting boy know what the general plan is for the day, but boy still has a vague uneasiness that he does not know what is going on, Sir. boy wonders if this is MASTER's plan to keep his boy just a little on edge to make him more attentive, or if boy is just not familiar with the routine of the Houston Home, Sir.
One thing that boy thinks may help focus his attention and submission is pain, Sir. boy craves more pain from his MASTER, Sir. Being a pain pig, boy knows that this sounds like a request, Sir. This is certainly something that boy tim enjoys, Sir. boy tim's sole reason for being is the pleasure of and service to MASTER Wes and Daddy Tom, Sir. Not the pleasure of boy tim, Sir. but boy needs help focusing, Sir. boy hopes that he is not out of line expressing this to his MASTER, Sir.
Date: Sun, 12 Sep 1999 13:01:28 EDT
Subject: [gl-doms] Re: FOCUS
Master Wes wrote:
"What are some other ways you help your slaves & boys focus?"
Let me count the ways...
One of the first things that I do with new family (boys, slaves, whatever) is to have them read the book "Way of the Peaceful Warrior" by Dan Millman. (www.peacefulwarrior.com) I strongly suggest this book to everyone I counsel, M/s or not. Rather than go into too much detail, I'll let you read it and find out why
One of My slaves lives with OCD (Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder), another was previously diagnosed as clinically depressed. Both of them require a great deal of focus-related exercises to keep them "in check".
In a M/s or D/s type relationship, focus must be a two-way street; in other words, I require that they focus on Me, and in order to retain that, I must dedicate a great deal of focus on them (individually and collectively).
I use an acronym to describe what it is that I want from My slave(s):
When I ask the slave "Where is the focus?", the proper response is "my focus is on the F.I.R.E., Sir!", meaning that they are constantly working toward being exactly what I want and need.
TOOLS FOR FOCUS:
- Give the slave something to do in their "off-time". I have given My slaves a Sonnet by Shakespeare that deals specifically with slavery (quoted in full at the end of this message). The slaves are required to read, study and memorize the piece, and to quote it verbatim on demand.
- Take away something that is important.
By way of example: I recently had a problem with a slave who broke the rules by making plans without permission. When he told Me about the plans (and did not present it as a request,) I neither approved nor denied them. Instead, I told him that he would have to make his own decision on the matter, and that I would issue no further orders until he learned how to properly request permission.
In this situation, the slave was miserable for a week. My actions had forced him to think and do for himself in an arena that was previously handled by Me; That required focus, and was a constant reminder that he had screwed up. (It worked.) Sure, it would have been easy to physically punish him, but he is a masochist, after all...
Above all else, focus means letting go; removing preconceived notions about the way things 'should be', and replacing them with 'how would my Master want me to act?'. It is never easy to maintain in the beginning, but well worth it in the long run. (Focus is a major step toward self-mastery, which is very important in this dynamic.)
Hope this helps!
Master Michael Yongue
The House of Ptolemy
"Sometimes the risk to remain in a tight bud is more painful than the risk it takes to blossom." --Anais Nin
Shakespeare's Sonnet LVII
Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend,
Nor services to do, till you require.
Nor dare I chide the world-without-end hour
Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you,
Nor think the bitterness of absence sour
When you have bid your servant once adieu;
Nor dare I question with my jealous thought
Where you may be, or your affairs suppose,
But, like a sad slave, stay and think of nought
Save, where you are how happy you make those.
So true a fool is love that in your will,
Though you do any thing, he thinks no ill.
- --William Shakespeare
Date: Sun, 12 Sep 1999 13:28:42 -0400
From: "Robert Morley"
Subject: RE: [gl-doms] helping a slaveboy focus
> Nice to know that the slaveboy has his "Master" well-trained to provide
> what he needs, i.e., sexual stimulation in the form of cock and
> pain simply by dropping to his knees...
Where do you see THAT in this message?!? The slave is expressing a concern over his inability to focus, and asking help in learning to do so. The Master is simply living up to his duty to oversee the emotional well-being of his slave.
Besides, anybody who's ever had a serious relationship with a slave knows that it's a two way street. The slave is training the Master almost as much as the Master is training the slave...much though we don't want to ADMIT that they're doing it to us. :) The Master trains the slave in what he wants and needs, but the slave trains the Master in only what he needs...that's still training in my books.
(That oughta start a discussion or two!)
Date: Sun, 12 Sep 1999 13:23:53 -0400
From: Master Aaron
Subject: [gl-doms] Re: helping a boy to focus
I find that, when gifting a boy/slave/sub with training sessions in an other-than 24/7 situation, it is often very difficult for the sub to focus. It seems sad when focus is achieved at the end of the stay or session, and can result in a weaker connection between us, varying the effectiveness and the fun.
I feel that, as the Dom, it is my responsibility to help the sub achieve the result that I have given direction to, and have found several ways to make this "plug in" more swift and sure.
The ceremony of admittance and subjugation is consistent and showy, as someone else has mentioned. However, I find that I have better results if I start early
. I usually insist that the sub not pleasure themselves sexually for a day, or for the more advanced, for two or three days, prior to arrival, in the case that the sub is not connected to another Dom or vanilla partner. If connected, I insist that the pleasuring be only of the partner, and not to the point of orgasm for My sub. (Of course, when another Master/Dom is involved, with their full consent!) I give a ritual of cleansing to be followed for the day of arrival, which I won't belabor the conversation with at this point. I also control the food and drink of the sub on the day of arrival, often insisting on an increased water intake along with liquid nourishment and no solid foods. I may require a clean out or specific enema on the morning of, or just prior to, My Ownership. Most importantly, I insist that I be thanked, in absentia, for the cleansing, the drinking, and the nourishment, and aloud, thusly:
"Thank you, Master Aaron, for this liquid!"
I find that the wind-up is just as important as the pitch, and boys generally arrive at My Door focused by their stomach and cock, with their priorities in line.
Hope that's helpful!
Date: Sun, 12 Sep 1999 15:58:32 EDT
Subject: Re: [gl-doms] helping a slaveboy focus
A couple of the tools that I have used over the years to assist submissives and slaves in developing focus are what I call "white wall" experiences. I make sure that there is a place in each home they serve in where there is an uninterrupted expanse of wall or door surface, this space only needs to be about 4' wide.. but it is important that there is nothing hanging on the wall or door back that is visible when kneeling with one's face about 4" from the surface. The submissive or slave kneels (in an attentive kneel up position, hands hanging loosely at their side) just in front of this space... With their face not 4 inches from it.
In the first case -
While they are kneeling there ... they take 10 very slow deep breathes. Then they close their eyes and relax each joint in their body and at each joint they ask themselves one question, "Why am I here?" The answer, of course, is "I am here to serve the Master, to meet His needs, desires and pleasures." Once this is done and the slave is relaxed and prepared to serve they then imagine feeling the presence of the Master in their Mouth, their Ass and if a woman, their cunt. This heightens the sensual awareness of the fact that they have given themselves in service to be used how ever the Master sees fit. And this last little bit has the added effect of changing the way the slave is "in their body." People who are sensually charged moved with more grace and with an animal energy that is quite beautiful to watch.
In the second case-
While they are kneeling there they consider the graveness of the situation that has become their life because they have offered themselves into service. Often times, slaves and submissives do not realize that service isn't a thing to be taken lightly, and that to do it well one must be "light about it." That the very way they present themselves reflects back on the Master. Publicly and privately. I use that mindfulness meditation when I feel that the slave is not doing adequate self care. Because my experience tells me that when a slave fails to represent well it is usually because they are not being mindful of taking care of the Master's property first and foremost. If the slave is not taking care of their own well-being through proper rest, nutrition, exercise and the practice of inner peace and personal goal accomplishment, they do not have a reserve to use in service. It is important for slave to "sharpen the saw," "prime the pump," whatever one choses to call it.
And last - Learning to be fully present
I believe that focus comes from a well developed inner life. By participating in ongoing inner development the slave becomes more certain of the calling s/he has chosen to answer. Focus comes from a sense of being "in the moment." It happens when we are able to shut down the yammer yammer of the past (that nasty little place where all our fears reside and somehow manage to continually haunt us from) and be fully present. In your slave's letter he said, " But it is very hard at times, Sir. boy's ego is still very strong, he sometimes wonders if he will ever tame it, Sir. That pesky ego keeps popping up, wondering what is going on, Sir. boy is often anxious about what is happening, Sir. MASTER does a good job of letting boy know what the general plan is for the day, but boy still has a vague uneasiness that he does not know what is going on, Sir. " Learning to master one's own internal dialog only happens when one takes the time to listen to their own internal tapes. When we have let go of the expectations that shaped our early foundational development and are free to choose again, hopefully wisely, as adults we can allow ourselves to be comfortable with the silence in the moment and not assign fearful or anxious baggage to it.
Pain is a short course to momentary focus. It is less frightening than facing the silence of the moment. It is raw and tangible. And on occasion when two souls meet and take up pain in its slow long course (like the severe flogging that takes several hours- breathing matched ... eyes meeting for short rounds of connectivity.. until the back is oozing and will continue to do so for days) then pain can provide real focus and transformation because it has stepped up to the moment, become larger than life and goes through the door into the depths and finds the fears waiting and opens them to the light of day. When there is trust between two souls to walk through that door together, then silence becomes a sacred trust shared and ceases being the seed of anxious moments.
I strongly recommend that as part of self care slaves and submissives spend some time each day reading such books as:
Chop Wood, Carry Water, by Rick Fields
Wherever You Go, There You Are, by Jon Kabat-zinn
The Re-Enchantment of Everyday Life, by Thomas Moore
The Care of the Soul, by Thomas Moore
Sacred World: A Guide to Shambhala Warriorship in Daily Life, by Jeremy Hayward
The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, by Julia Cameron
The Artist's Way at Work: Riding the Dragon, by Julia Cameron
Marry Your Muse: Making a Lasting Commitment to Your Creativity, by Jan Phillips
Awakening to the Sacred: Creating a Spiritual Life from Scratch, by Lama Surya Das
Accept This Gift: Selections from A Course in Miracles, by Frances E. Vaughn
The Seat of the Soul, by Gary Zukav
Manifest Your Destiny, by Wayne Dyer
Work as Spiritual Practice, by Lewis Richmond
Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
The Art of Worldly Wisdom, by Balthasar Gracian
These are just a few books that cover a wide variety of belief systems and ideas. Each is useful in its own way and there are obviously thousands of others that folks find meaningful.
Studying The ancient art of Tea Ceremonies can also be a good way to learn focus.
I hope you find some value herein,
enjoy your journey,
House of Blake ~ Oakland, CA
Date: Sun, 12 Sep 1999 18:24:19 +0000
Subject: [gl-doms] Re slave focus
>What are some other ways you help your slaves & boys focus?
I have number of things I use to focus a boy or slave. Sometimes it is as simple as having them read their contract before they see me. Reminding them of exactly why they are here. In fact, I often ask them that as a first question. "WHY are you here boy?" they know what answer I expect to hear.
During training, though I know many expect a boy or slave to always take a submissive pose with head bowed, I often have them look directly into my eyes. I want them to concentrate on ME ONLY nothing outside of that, focusing only on me. As I look deeply into their eyes, it is at times, as if I they think I can see their souls, or read their minds. Intimidating and hypnotic, comforting and frightening at the same time.
I develop a routine for each boy that he must learn. Though they have similarities I take something of each boy and incorporate it into this ceremony. If boy is heavily into boots for example after he strips and kneels before me then his ceremony is to kiss my boots.Whereas a boy that is heavily into bondage may automatically present his wrists for restraints.
With each specific boy it is something that reminds them of why they are with Me and what they gain from Me.
In Leather Brotherhood,
Date: Mon 9/13/99 12:44 PM
Subject: Re: [gl-doms] helping a slaveboy focus
This is a not uncommon problem for all boys/slaves to face, and every time I see this question or run into this situation myself, I immediately question why the boy/slave is having problems focusing. Because your slaveboy requested more and/or additional pain, I would particularly question why he is having this difficulty.
Whether we wish to admit it or not, we all have 'walls,' and a slave/boy's inability to focus is often because he is confronting one of his personal walls. Yes, pain is a way to get through many walls, but it may not get to the root of what's really going on with the slave/boy. So, before I would apply any ritual, whether pain or others suggested by list members, I would talk to the slave/boy and have him explain what the problem is and why it is affecting his ability to focus. Only then will you be able to figure out what, if anything, is appropriate or necessary to apply to sharpen his focus.
Sometimes, just getting the slave/boy to open up about this problem is sufficient to resolve the problem, other times additional measures may be necessary.
Just my 2 cents.
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